Sometimes I just wanna “nope”

Today I just wanted to nope. Usually, I love what I do but lately it’s been brutal living on the thin edge of the wedge of two communities. I woke up feeling nope. I did do a presentation today I always love doing that.

Advocacy in the real-world is hard and they often have zero clue they are degrading you or taking away your human rights. You constantly have to correct them. Being a broken record is boring and so is their ableism.

I never wanted to be an advocate, activist, educator, social worker, researcher or whatever label you want to call it. Fact is, I resent that I have to do this work at all. One of my advisory members tells me it makes me a more effective advocate because really I have nothing to lose.

I have nothing to lose in correcting an organization that what they just did was commit a human rights offence. In denying what they had just done for others but they don't want a display on their wall. Your saving face is not more important than my human rights.

I also have no problem correcting organizations who use popularity contests to gatekeep those who have disabilities out of their organizations.

I have nothing to lose, telling them they infantilize me and that by ignoring me, telling them that they are infantalizing me is just more infantilization. It's defeating and undignified.

I also have nothing to lose in trusting them to honor their promises and that I'm not being placated.

It's just tiring, it’s that it is expected of me. It is expected that I go through this abuse and trust them. and that I have to go through this abuse with a smile.